Thursday, June 4, 2009

Time Slips Away

Geez, times slips by doesn't it? I can't believe it's June already. My dad would have been 79 this year. My niece Heidy has a birthday in a few days and she'll be 36, and my brother-in-law Ed will be, ok I don't know, maybe just He's older than me anyway.

Corrina loved was out, summer was here and good times were usually had by all. No particular month holds anything special for me anymore, and that's ok because I just look forward to getting through the present. When I found out that Corrina had passed away, I just knew that it was over for me too and that I couldn't or wouldn't EVER survive one moment without her and believe me, I didn't want to survive.

I remember many of my aquaintances saying things like "If it was my child I would just die" or "I don't know how you're getting out of bed each morning, I know I wouldn't be able to cope" and "I can't believe your back at work already. I couldn't survive without my child, let alone work". I remember at the time being very ANGRY with these statements. To me it sounded like they were insinuating that they loved their children more than I loved Corrina. I know, stupid right? But I couldn't help how it made me feel. My grief was so new, the wound so raw. I, of course, know now that they we're all just trying to help in their own way and unless you've suffered, endured, survived the loss of a child, there is no way to understand or comprehend.

I have figured something out though, I never knew I could ever be this strong or resilent. I still have my melt down days, where all I want is to be with Corrina again, but I will say, they aren't as often as they used to be. My faith, hope, and love get me through. I owe that, and so much more, to my RinaBean. From the moment they placed that little peanut in my arms she made me a better person, more loving, giving, patient, kind, gentle, compassionate and MOST IMPORTANTLY, she made me her mom...the greatest honor and pleasure of my life. I love you my angel!!!

Ok, so now on to my knitting. I'm finishing a hooded baby blanket/towel for a co-workers baby shower. I also made her two itty bitty washclothes, and a pair of itty bitty baby socks. I've been working pretty exclusively on those items, so not much other knitting going on. I can't wait to get back to my Cardigan KAL and also cast on my Mr Foster sock monkey from Knit Picks. I think I'm going to rip out the one tank top I started as I'm just not happy with they way it's turning out.

Well I guess that's it...don't post for weeks and then I can't stop talking!


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