Monday, June 29, 2009

T-minus 3 Days

That's when our vacation starts. I'm REALLY looking forward to this vacation. That hasn't happened in a LONG, LONG, LONG time. Since losing Corrina I've always had some sort of apprehension, tremendous sadness, and intense longing for her to be with us, before leaving for each and every vacation.

I still wish she was coming with us, oh how I wish that, I'd give ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to make that happen, but the apprehension is no longer a factor, and while the sadness will ALWAYS be with me, it's not as debilitating as before. So Ruidoso, NM here we come. Seven days in the mountains, mmmmmmmmm, I can't wait.

I've got my four projects on the needles to take with me...

1. Mr Foster sock monkey

2. 9-5 Socks

3. Scandinavian socks

4. Swallowtail shawl

And I'm bringing some good books too. I plan to relax and knit. Maybe hot-tub and swim, with a possible visit to the Thoroughbred race track one afternoon thrown into the mix.

Now if I can just last 20 more minutes it will be time to go the heck home for the day.


Friday, June 19, 2009

Goals and Holy Crap!

Ok, so I was over at Ali's blog, and she was mentioning setting some knitting goals for the summer. She's even doing a contest, what a great idea huh? So anyway I was thinking about what my goals will be and here goes:

1. Knit myself a lace shawl. I like the Swallowtail pattern.

2. Finish 5 pairs of socks (3 gifts, 2 mine)

3. Finish Mr. Foster, the sock monkey (gift)

4.Knit myself a beautiful cardigan with the GORGEOUS silk/merino I splurged on

Ok, so that's my goal list. Now for a "Corrinaism". She used to say "Holy Crap" all the time. It didn't matter if it was something good or something was just "Holy Crap". So in honor of my sweet Corrina...Holy Crap people it's FRIDAY!!!


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

JUST SAY Hobby Lobby

Today my friend Judy bought me a little gift. It's a cute pair of flip-flops that are black and have cherries on them. Normally I would already have them on my fat, little feet, but they came from "Hobby Lobby", cue the ominous music. Now we need to travel back in time to early 2005 when my sweet Rina girl was working for "Michaels" the "other" crafting store. She told me that I couldn't shop at Hobby Lobby, that I would be a traitor if I did. My sweet girl was nothing if not loyal!!! So I made a promise to her that I would never set foot into a Hobby Lobby store...and of course I haven't, but my mother-in-law and my friend Judy go there quite often, hence my gift.

My dilema is as such, do I wear the flip-flops because they were a gift and because Corrina was all about loving her Flip-Flops??? Or do I not wear them because of the "Hobby Lobby" boycott??? You may not believe this but it made me cry...not so much the shoes, as the memory of my girl and the promise I made her. Silly huh? The funniest part of all of this is that Corrina would find my behavior EXTREMELY amusing, I just know she would.

I wish I was knitting on something right now instead of working. I'm going to cast on another pair of socks tonight. The "Summer Socks" pattern by Cookie A. I ADORE her designs...what a talent she is, and what an artist.


Monday, June 15, 2009

A Brand New Week

Ah, it's Monday. Too bad the weekends are so damn short. I had such big plans for this past weekend...didn't accomplish much of it though. We're planning to re-do our bathroom and I intended to start on that, but nope, didn't happen.

I did get some knitting done though. I hated the way the socks I was working on were turning out, so I ripped them out and started over with a different pattern...ah, much better now. I got quite a bit done on those. Finished up and gifted away all the baby items so it was a pleasure to work on something different for a change. I also cast on a lace shawl, and my Mr. Foster sock monkey from Knit Picks. I'd like to cast on for one more pair of socks as I like to have 4 different projects going, just to keep it interesting.

I had a dream about Corrina last night, and I remember seeing her in this dream but I can't remember anything else about it. I'm content enough though just being able to have seen her, if only for a moment, and if only in my dreams. I love you Angelpie!


Thursday, June 4, 2009

Time Slips Away

Geez, times slips by doesn't it? I can't believe it's June already. My dad would have been 79 this year. My niece Heidy has a birthday in a few days and she'll be 36, and my brother-in-law Ed will be, ok I don't know, maybe just He's older than me anyway.

Corrina loved was out, summer was here and good times were usually had by all. No particular month holds anything special for me anymore, and that's ok because I just look forward to getting through the present. When I found out that Corrina had passed away, I just knew that it was over for me too and that I couldn't or wouldn't EVER survive one moment without her and believe me, I didn't want to survive.

I remember many of my aquaintances saying things like "If it was my child I would just die" or "I don't know how you're getting out of bed each morning, I know I wouldn't be able to cope" and "I can't believe your back at work already. I couldn't survive without my child, let alone work". I remember at the time being very ANGRY with these statements. To me it sounded like they were insinuating that they loved their children more than I loved Corrina. I know, stupid right? But I couldn't help how it made me feel. My grief was so new, the wound so raw. I, of course, know now that they we're all just trying to help in their own way and unless you've suffered, endured, survived the loss of a child, there is no way to understand or comprehend.

I have figured something out though, I never knew I could ever be this strong or resilent. I still have my melt down days, where all I want is to be with Corrina again, but I will say, they aren't as often as they used to be. My faith, hope, and love get me through. I owe that, and so much more, to my RinaBean. From the moment they placed that little peanut in my arms she made me a better person, more loving, giving, patient, kind, gentle, compassionate and MOST IMPORTANTLY, she made me her mom...the greatest honor and pleasure of my life. I love you my angel!!!

Ok, so now on to my knitting. I'm finishing a hooded baby blanket/towel for a co-workers baby shower. I also made her two itty bitty washclothes, and a pair of itty bitty baby socks. I've been working pretty exclusively on those items, so not much other knitting going on. I can't wait to get back to my Cardigan KAL and also cast on my Mr Foster sock monkey from Knit Picks. I think I'm going to rip out the one tank top I started as I'm just not happy with they way it's turning out.

Well I guess that's it...don't post for weeks and then I can't stop talking!