ILuvRina

My Love

2010-09-29T09:09:00.002-05:00

It's been five years today, since losing you, my love. You are my heart, my hope, my joy, my best friend, and forever and always, my sweet baby girl. People ask me all the time if it gets easier. I explain that the grief and sadness I feel everyday gets softer as time goes by, and yes maybe even a little easier to bear, but the missing and longing, do not get easier. I don't think anything will ever change this feeling of emptiness of missing you in this life. You made me proud everyday of your life and I hope and pray that I made you proud too. I was honored to be your mom and to call you my daughter. If you are lighting up Heaven half as much as you lit up the lives of your loved ones, that must be one extremely BRIGHT place.

Love you forever and always,

Mom

Holy Crap!

2010-09-17T08:52:00.002-05:00

Holy crap it's been awhile, hasn't it? So much to talk about. First of all some ramblings...Life is good, not as wonderful as it once was with my Corrina still with me, but it's good. I've learned to deal with my grief in my own way and it seems to be working. I look forward to things now and can find joy in many people, places and things. I believe I have the love of my daughter to thank for all of this. Knowing how much we loved each other has given me the strength to carry on in this life without her, but that doesn't mean that she's not a CONSTANT presence in my life, because she is. I carry her love and memories with me every where I go. I love you RinaBean, always and forever.

Now on to my second favorite subject...knitting! So many things on the needles. A few sweaters, one in the home stretch. 2 or 3 more 1/2 way done. Socks everywhere, two pairs finished and 4 others started. A shawl finished, and 3 more started. See what I mean? I believe that I have like 12-15 projects going. Is that wrong? Is it ok? All I know is it's a wonder I can find needles when I decide to cast on something new. I must own tons of needles...LOL! I love my knitting lifestyle. It comforts me to know that I have so many projects going. Oop's I almost forgot about my spindle. I have a spinning project going on that as well.

Since my last post I've also visited my family in NY. It was an awesome trip and I have to say I have the greatest family in the whole world, and I adore them all. My sister Kathy and brother-in-law Ed took me to a yarn shop in Brooklyn, NY called the Yarn Tree. I met a lady there by the name of Sherry who was a tremendous help. We talked spinning wheels and all about fibery goodness. I purchased some beautifully colored merino/tussah silk fiber for $2.90 an oz, and a beautiful skein of sock yarn while there. Thanks to Sherry and the Yarn Tree.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Love life and keep knitting!

Ciao

Summertime

2010-07-27T16:03:00.003-05:00

Ah, summertime. It calls to me to knit small, lightweight projects. Sock's and such. I need to get started on my holiday project list, and thankfully they are also small, lightweight projects. I can't believe that it's already the end of July. It's funny how time can go by so fast by the month, but the workday seems to just drag...lol. July is usually extremely hot here, triple digits, but so far in July we haven't reached there yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I despise the heat, but it hasn't seemed like July.

I'm working on a couple pairs of socks, a secret project, a money tree... ha made ya laugh. A money tree sure would come in handy now, wouldn't it?

I remember telling Corrina once that money didn't grow on tree's and she asked "why not"? Of course I don't actually remember what my answer was to that, but I can only hope that it wasn't the typical parental answer of "because I said so". It used to drive me crazy when my parents used that standard answer on me.

I also finished a couple of things. Two pairs of socks, a Citron shawl, and a Traveler's Woman shawl. I just love to knit!! Now I think I want to spin, so I'm saving for a spinning wheel. The only problem I have is that no one here locally sells them. So I'll have to travel someplace to try different models out. The closet dealer of any kind is in Dallas, I beleive. So anyway, that is next on my agenda.

Ciao

Long Time, No Blog

2010-06-15T09:48:00.002-05:00

Wow, it's been awhile. I guess life takes over and we just have to run with it. Corrina used to say "Life Happens" instead of "shit happens". She was always wise beyond her years, like an old soul. I was thinking about her this morning and for the first time in, I don't know how long, I didn't cry. I just smiled. Thank you baby girl for all the strength you give me. I know it's because of the love.

Ok, so on to knitting. I've been knitting like crazy, and buying yarn like crazy. I've finished some socks. My goal is to make like 8 pairs by December, we'll see how that goes. I know a few ladies who have made a pair a week...whew, I think not. I might try it sometime...whew, I think not. LOL. I still have two sweaters to finish, but it's just too hot now to work on a big sweater. One is my Carli (Dk weight) and the other is my Mondo Cable Cardi (worsted weight). Sad thing is, I have just a wee bit on both till I'm finished, but it's in the high 90's and low 100's here in good old west Texas. I have two socks on the needles, My Vampire Boyfriend, using Malabrigo sock in Tiziano Red, and a creation of my own, using Stroll handpainted in Tea Party. I also have 3 shawls going, 2 beaded, one not. And I'd like to start a sweater using fingering weight yarn. I'm pretty sure I could work on that this summer without it being too hot. I'm looking at the Knitty pattern "Tempest", and one or two others, whose names have escaped me.

The summer is going to go by fast, as it always does. Scott and I have a few things planned, such as getaways, ect. And then in September, I will be visiting the sisters! I can't wait. I love them with all of my heart and soul.

Ciao!

Whats New?

2010-04-01T10:38:00.002-05:00

Lets see, whats new? I'm still plugging along on my second sleeve of my "Carli" sweater, but right now I'm more interested in finishing my "Mondo Cable Cardi". When I reached about half way on the body, I utilized some advice from the Knitmore Girls (Gigi and Jasmin), and stopped there to go ahead and start the collar. When I finished the collar, I started the sleeves. I'm finished with one sleeve and about half way on the other. I LOVE THIS PATTERN! Thank you Bonne Marie Burns.

I'm also knitting on a sock, my own creation with some lovely merino/cashmere/nylon in soft white, baby blues & browns. That's the one I carry in my purse. And the sock on my night stand is also a creation of my own, done in Dream in Color Smooshy Happy Forest.

I'm sure I'll pick up the Carli again as soon as I'm finished with the Mondo Cable Cardi.

I'm not too sure if I mentioned that I won a Spindle Kit from Destiknit (Kerrie James). It's beautiful, and she made it herself. She also included tons of fiber and I've been playing with that, and I think I'm going to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE spinning. Is anyone surprised??? If you don't listen to her podcast, Destiknit The Podcast, I highly recommend it. She's funny, intelligent and it's a great listen.
I also recommend other podcast's as well...The Knitmore Girls, Stitch It, Kiping It Real, Barknknit, and Electric Sheep.

Corrina is probably smiling where she is right now because I always said I'd never have any use for an Ipod. Ah, how wrong I was? Well baby girl, I never said I was always right. LOL! I love you angel, always and forever.

That's it for today. Peace and blessings all around!

Ciao

Ravelympics

2010-03-01T12:09:00.002-06:00

I feel that the Ravelympics should be an actual Olympic event. It was so much fun to compete. I finished my socks for Team Sasquatch, but only finished the body of my "Carli" for Team Knitmore, but man oh man, did I have fun...and I watched the Olympics too...great fun.

Anyway, I'm knitting fast and furious on my first Carli sleeve, and I will continue on with this till my yarn arrives for the Knitmore Girls knit-a-long. We will be knitting the Mondo Cable Cardi by Bonne Marie Burns (Chic Knits). I believe my yarn will be here today or tomorrow. If Lubbock TX had a LYS or two I wouldn't have to wait for yarn to be shipped.

I also have a sock on my needles, you know my purse knitting, and another one for my bedtime knitting. My knitting life is GOOD!

I want to share a Corrina-ism with you...when she was little girl we would watch figure skating together all the time. When someone would do a Salchow jump, Rina thought they said Sadcow jump....needless to say she and I always called it that. I had to smile, albeit bittersweetly, during the figure skating these past two weeks.
I love you my angel, forever and always!!!

Ciao

A New Year

2010-01-27T12:32:00.002-06:00

Ah, so it's January and A BRAND NEW YEAR. Sometimes I look back and remember the amazing memories of my life with Corrina, other times I look to the future and try to imagine what the future holds for me without her. I've finally reached a place where the pain has softened enough for me to move on, and even to look forward to things happening in my life. Does it mean that I don't cry everyday anymore? No, because I still do. Does it mean that I don't think about her every minute of every day? No, because I can't think about much else sometimes. All it seems to mean is that I can now find joy in my life again. And knowing my sweet baby girl as I do, I know that somehow she's helped me reach the place I'm at now. Thank you RinaBean...I love you so!

On to all things knitty....I have joined two Ravelympic teams on Ravelry. For Team Knitmore I will be making (attempting) a sweater, and for Team Sasquatch, a pair of socks. Very ambitious goals don't ya think??? The sweater will be knit when at home in front of the TV, and the socks as my take-along and knit-in-bed project. So we shall see just how ambitious I am.

I have finished a few things since my last post. Two pair of socks, a shawl, and two neck warmers. Still also plugging along on all my other WIP's. Too many to mention :)

That's all I have for today.

Ciao

Oh Wow!!

2009-12-29T14:56:00.002-06:00

Thanksgiving and Christmas have both come and gone. Where the heck was I? Why didn't I blog more? Was I too busy??? No! Was I too lazy??? That's probably closer to the truth. Bad Michelle! Or should I say, Bold Michelle. When Corrina was little she had a wonderful babysitter, June, and June always said that her "kids" weren't bad, they were bold. So I'm going with June on this one and I was bold not to post sooner.

What's new? Let's see. Quite a few projects started and finished. Quite a few projects not touched since the last time I posted, and quite a few projects worked on but not finished : ) I started and finished two pairs of wristers, a gorgeous cashmere Heart To Heart scarf, a pair of socks and a cabled neck warmer. I worked a little on each of two sweaters and started working on 4 pairs of wristers for my co-workers.

Christmas was pleasant enough, but something was missing...OTHER THAN MY CORRINA, of course. I think it was decorations and presents. I thought that I only wanted to decorate Corrina's mantle, but I did really miss the tree this year. And Scott and I decided not to exchange gifts as we buy ourselves whatever we want anyway, but....I think I missed the whole opening up something we specially picked up for each other. Next year I'll do things different.

Ciao

Where Did October Go?

2009-11-17T14:54:00.004-06:00

Man, oh man, time sure is flying by. I can't believe it's November already. Only 39 days till Christmas. I'm almost ready, gift wise anyway. I didn't knit any gifts, I just bought things. I didn't want to create any pressure on myself to have to finish something. I enjoy my knitting too much to make a chore out of it, or to make it seem like something I have to do instead of something I want to do.

Corrina loved this time of year, from Halloween on. She loved all the sights and sounds of the Holiday season. I try to still decorate in her memory, but the last few years were hard...maybe this year it'll be easier.

Anyway, tons of knitting going on. Lots of things started, not too much finished...:)
I finished two pairs of socks, and a pair of fingerless mitts. Speaking of knitting, I think I need to get back to it....right now! Ciao!

Where Does The Time Go?

2009-10-05T15:13:00.002-05:00

I looked at the calendar today and was like...OMG, it's October. I sort of limped through September as it's a TOUGH month for me, for Scott and for the whole family. But it's now past and another year without my sweet baby girl has begun. I miss her so MUCH, and even just typing those words, let alone saying them out loud, can NEVER truly express the hurt, pain, longing, missing...She was everything.

Onward to all things knitty...I seem to be knitting constantly but not finishing too much, ha ha! It couldn't be because I keep casting on for NEW projects could it? :)
I keep seeing things on Ravelry, or hearing about something on a podcast, and next thing you know, the yarn is purchased or destashed and somehow it gets cast on.

Could this be considered an obsession? In my case, the answer is YES, YES, YES. But I love it and I don't want to stop, so it could then be considered an addiction...again the answer is YES. It's all just so much fun. I've been working on my Palette Fair Isle, and two pairs of socks, and the mystery colorwork KAL from Knit Picks, and my Aeolian, and the Traveling Woman shawl, and the Featherweight cardigan...oh my, quite the list. I better stop blogging and get knitting :)

Seems Like Forever

2009-09-09T13:16:00.002-05:00

It seems like forever since I last posted. It's only been like 20 days, or so, but....
Life has been chugging along. We spent the Labor Day weekend in the mountains, and had a peaceful and lovely time. I got a lot of knitting done while there, and on the ride to and from. I finished the "Lacy Rib Socks" from Wendy Johnson's "Socks From The Toe Up" book. I love them! And they are all mine. I started two new projects, the Palette Fair Isle Cardigan from Knit Picks (way cool, so far), and the Aeolian shawl from Knitty (absolutely gorgeous, so far). I'll take some pictures and get them posted to here and to my Ravelry page.

I'm also still plugging along on my Featherweight Cardigan by Hannah Fettig. That was my car knitting during the trip. I love the way this one feels, soft and light. I still have two pair of socks on the needles that are almost finished, so I may cast on another pair over the weekend.

September is a tough month, heck most are when it comes to missing and longing for Corrina, but September is when she passed away...September 29th 2005. Four years I've been missing my angel. Every night I pray for a glimpse of her in my dreams and last night I saw her. She was only about 10 in the dream, but I got to hold her hand and hug her tight. Waking up after a dream of her is so bittersweet. I'm so thankful that it happened and that I saw her, but also so sad that it's the only way I CAN see her anymore and that it doesn't happen nearly enough.

Well on to a little brighter news. I'm expecting some yarn deliveries this week and next. I truly miss having a local yarn shop. I wish someone would come along and open one...heck, I wish I could. I would love to keep some of this money I'm spending in our local economy...oh well, c'est la vie.

Ciao

Goodies!!

2009-08-20T09:53:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I received a beautiful care package from my new friend Stephanie (mortaine on Ravelry). She sent me a homemade drop spindle and some beautiful fiber to play with. She is a sweetheart, and it made me smile all day long. Ahhh, now to just figure it all out and get started...woo hoo!

I've been in a sock place as of recent days. I've been plugging along on two pair that I started a few weeks ago, but I got some new yarn the other day and just HAD to cast on another pair. I decided to start a pair from the book "Socks From The Toe Up" by Wendy Johnson. I am making the "Lacy Ribs Socks" and I am zooming right along. This pattern is so much fun and super easy. Not to mention very pretty. I'm doing both at the same time with magic loop and I'm already in the home stretch working on the leg. I prefer my socks to be a little above ankle length so only a couple of inches to go. Then I'll go back to my two cardigans, my Cheshire Cat Stole and my two other pairs of socks...whew...so many project's...too little time.

I also am dying to cast on for my "Dorothy" socks from the Wizard Of Oz sock club from Woolgirl. Jen puts together the most amazing clubs. That will be my next cast on...oooh maybe evening tonight. Scott laughs at me and wonders how I keep all the projects and patterns straight in my head. My Corrina girl knew me well. She always said "If my Mom puts her mind to it she can accomplish anything". She was my biggest fan, and I, hers! I love you CocoBean!!!

That's it for this update.

Ciao

54 Days

2009-08-06T15:25:00.002-05:00

My knitting is all moving in the right direction. I've been working on the Featherweight Cardigan and the Cheshire Cat Stole. My socks are on the back burner right now. I love sock knitting, crazy about it in fact, but right now for some reason I'm very excited to be working on the other two projects exclusively. The cardigan is easy, just knitting w/inc's and purling back. So that is my TV and podcast knitting. The stole is another story though, it's lace and frilly and pretty and beaded (woo hoo) and I need to concentrate on all the knit rows. I get to rest & relax on the purl rows...lol. I really need to get started on a hooded baby blanket for a co-workers soon to be grandson. They are doing a C-Sect on 9/14 so I have some time. I have the yarn and everything but I just can't stop knitting on stuff for myself....bad Michelle. I'm also going to knit a few tiny baby washclothes, and a wee tiny pair of baby socks. Anyway, that's my knitting news!

In 54 days it will be 4 years since losing Corrina...my child, my heart, my love and my life. On the day it happened I didn't think I'd make it through one hour without her, let alone a day, week, month.... But alas, here I am. Almost four years have gone by. I'm lonely, sad, and yearning for days past. I wish I had superhuman powers. I could either go back in time whenever I wanted to see her (EVERYDAY) or I could travel to where she and her BEAUTIFUL soul are now and be with her. Oh how I wish! I have a quote by C. S. Lewis on my desk that says..."Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything". How true my angel...I love and miss you more each and every day.

Ciao

Another Day...Another $.50

2009-07-28T15:26:00.003-05:00

My mom always used to say this, one of her many little diddy's. I miss my mom. We were so close. I sometimes feel guilty because I don't grieve for her, or my dad, anymore. All my thoughts and energies are focused on missing Corrina, and rightly so. She left me, not on purpose, and certainly not because she wanted to. It was a car accident that took her away, but it took her away too soon, and before me, and she was only 18, which as far as I'm concerned is against the way things are supposed to be. But for today I celebrate my mom and dad, the best parents on the planet. I remember them and I dedicate this day and my thoughts (most of them anyway) to Rocky and Bea. Because of my faith and belief's I know they are both with my Corrina. The three of them, well the four of us, were like pea's in a pod, so I'm sure Heaven is no different.

I miss them and will love them all forever.

Anyway, Mom...another day, another $.50. Too bad it's not enough to buy some yarn!

So on to my knitting. I'm still working on the Scandinavian Socks, from the "Little Box Of Socks". The Voyager mystery socks by Janine Le Cras from the Outlander group on Ravelry. The Cheshire Cat Stole by Carrie Griffin, and a new project I just cast on for.....the Featherweight Cardigan by Hannah Fettig. I'm loving working on ALL four of these. I can't decide which one to pick up each evening. I try to do a little on each. I actually need to pick one and stick with it till finished...ah but it's just way too hard. HELP, I need more hands!!!

Ciao

Woo Hoo... USPS Rocks!

2009-07-23T15:32:00.002-05:00

I just received my Knit Picks order and my Woolgirl order. Life is good, knitting good! From Knit Picks I ordered some of the new handpainted sock yarn in the Tea Party colorway, which wants to be socks for someone special, some Gloss lace weight in Ultramarine, which wants to grow up to be a Featherweight Cardigan, and two books from their 40% off booksale. Cookie A's "Sock Innovation" and EZ's "Knitters Almanac". I also ordered some needles and notions.

From Woolgirl I ordered the "Fairhope" pattern, a few notions, and a gorgeous hand-dyed sock yarn by Joni @ Union Center Knits. It's in the Stomp (gorgeous, gorgeous) colorway and these will be for moi. Jenn at Woolgirl also included little extra's and sent a handwritten thank you....I'm the one who's thankful. Thank you Jenn!!!

I want to leave work now and go home and wind my yarn, and play with it, and touch it...can I? Can I? Pretty please!

I wonder sometimes what my Corrina girl would think about my stash taking over one of her closet's. I'm sure she's glad I've found some peace in something, a love for something that takes my mind places and keeps me busy. I love you Rina Beana!!

Ciao

T-Minus... Who Knows How Long

2009-07-17T12:35:00.002-05:00

We had such a great time on vacation, I just want to turn around and do it again. Who knows how long it will be before we can get away again though. It was such a relaxing and peaceful vacation. We even took a nap one afternoon...oohhh how luxurious.

I knitted on and off the whole time we were gone. I brought 4 projects with me but really only knitted on 2. I changed my mind about knitting the Swallowtail Shawl, and started the Cheshire Cat Stole instead...omg, I adore knitting this. It's keeping me on my toes as it's a 30 some odd row repeat, and each knit row is different...and it has BEADS...how cool is that? I also knitted on my Voyager Mystery Sock KAL from the Outlander group on Ravelry. I'm really enjoying those as well, I'm magic looping and doing both socks together.

We did lots of fun things and just had a nice time. I missed my angel, but I felt her with us so many times. I mean truly felt her presence. Sometimes it was so obvious it was like she was saying "Hey Mom". I love you Corrina, forever and ever and always!

Ciao

T-Minus Now!!

2009-07-02T20:02:00.002-05:00

So as of 5 pm we are now officially on vacation and do not have to be back at work till the 13th...woo hoo! I can't wait till we leave for New Mexico. I'm almost finished with my 9 to 5 socks as I'm ready to start decreasing for the toe's. I've also decided to cast on for the Outlander group sock KAL (LC Voyager Socks by Janine Le Cras). They are a mystery as well and clue 1 & 2 have been revealed already so I'm a wee bit behind. The socks incorporate beads, so I need to buy some before I go out of town. This way I'll still have 4 projects on the needles to carry along. Can you tell I'm excited???

Corrina used to sing "V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N, in the summertime", over and over when we were getting ready for a trip. I miss her so much. Nothing seems right without her, but yet I feel her with me wherever I am. We were so close, extraordinarily so. I know that connection will NEVER be lost, never, ever. So I know she'll be with us on this vacation. I love you RinaBean, forever and always!

Ciao

T-minus 3 Days

2009-06-29T16:20:00.002-05:00

That's when our vacation starts. I'm REALLY looking forward to this vacation. That hasn't happened in a LONG, LONG, LONG time. Since losing Corrina I've always had some sort of apprehension, tremendous sadness, and intense longing for her to be with us, before leaving for each and every vacation.

I still wish she was coming with us, oh how I wish that, I'd give ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to make that happen, but the apprehension is no longer a factor, and while the sadness will ALWAYS be with me, it's not as debilitating as before. So Ruidoso, NM here we come. Seven days in the mountains, mmmmmmmmm, I can't wait.

I've got my four projects on the needles to take with me...

1. Mr Foster sock monkey

2. 9-5 Socks

3. Scandinavian socks

4. Swallowtail shawl

And I'm bringing some good books too. I plan to relax and knit. Maybe hot-tub and swim, with a possible visit to the Thoroughbred race track one afternoon thrown into the mix.

Now if I can just last 20 more minutes it will be time to go the heck home for the day.

Ciao

Goals and Holy Crap!

2009-06-19T09:37:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I was over at Ali's blog, http://www.skeinsherway.com and she was mentioning setting some knitting goals for the summer. She's even doing a contest, what a great idea huh? So anyway I was thinking about what my goals will be and here goes:

1. Knit myself a lace shawl. I like the Swallowtail pattern.

2. Finish 5 pairs of socks (3 gifts, 2 mine)

3. Finish Mr. Foster, the sock monkey (gift)

4.Knit myself a beautiful cardigan with the GORGEOUS silk/merino I splurged on

Ok, so that's my goal list. Now for a "Corrinaism". She used to say "Holy Crap" all the time. It didn't matter if it was something good or something bad...it was just "Holy Crap". So in honor of my sweet Corrina...Holy Crap people it's FRIDAY!!!

Ciao

JUST SAY NO...to Hobby Lobby

2009-06-17T15:05:00.002-05:00

Today my friend Judy bought me a little gift. It's a cute pair of flip-flops that are black and have cherries on them. Normally I would already have them on my fat, little feet, but they came from "Hobby Lobby", cue the ominous music. Now we need to travel back in time to early 2005 when my sweet Rina girl was working for "Michaels" the "other" crafting store. She told me that I couldn't shop at Hobby Lobby, that I would be a traitor if I did. My sweet girl was nothing if not loyal!!! So I made a promise to her that I would never set foot into a Hobby Lobby store...and of course I haven't, but my mother-in-law and my friend Judy go there quite often, hence my gift.

My dilema is as such, do I wear the flip-flops because they were a gift and because Corrina was all about loving her Flip-Flops??? Or do I not wear them because of the "Hobby Lobby" boycott??? You may not believe this but it made me cry...not so much the shoes, as the memory of my girl and the promise I made her. Silly huh? The funniest part of all of this is that Corrina would find my behavior EXTREMELY amusing, I just know she would.

I wish I was knitting on something right now instead of working. I'm going to cast on another pair of socks tonight. The "Summer Socks" pattern by Cookie A. I ADORE her designs...what a talent she is, and what an artist.

Ciao

A Brand New Week

2009-06-15T13:10:00.003-05:00

Ah, it's Monday. Too bad the weekends are so damn short. I had such big plans for this past weekend...didn't accomplish much of it though. We're planning to re-do our bathroom and I intended to start on that, but nope, didn't happen.

I did get some knitting done though. I hated the way the socks I was working on were turning out, so I ripped them out and started over with a different pattern...ah, much better now. I got quite a bit done on those. Finished up and gifted away all the baby items so it was a pleasure to work on something different for a change. I also cast on a lace shawl, and my Mr. Foster sock monkey from Knit Picks. I'd like to cast on for one more pair of socks as I like to have 4 different projects going, just to keep it interesting.

I had a dream about Corrina last night, and I remember seeing her in this dream but I can't remember anything else about it. I'm content enough though just being able to have seen her, if only for a moment, and if only in my dreams. I love you Angelpie!

Ciao

Time Slips Away

2009-06-04T14:46:00.004-05:00

Geez, times slips by doesn't it? I can't believe it's June already. My dad would have been 79 this year. My niece Heidy has a birthday in a few days and she'll be 36, and my brother-in-law Ed will be, ok I don't know, maybe just old..lol. He's older than me anyway.

Corrina loved June...school was out, summer was here and good times were usually had by all. No particular month holds anything special for me anymore, and that's ok because I just look forward to getting through the present. When I found out that Corrina had passed away, I just knew that it was over for me too and that I couldn't or wouldn't EVER survive one moment without her and believe me, I didn't want to survive.

I remember many of my aquaintances saying things like "If it was my child I would just die" or "I don't know how you're getting out of bed each morning, I know I wouldn't be able to cope" and "I can't believe your back at work already. I couldn't survive without my child, let alone work". I remember at the time being very ANGRY with these statements. To me it sounded like they were insinuating that they loved their children more than I loved Corrina. I know, stupid right? But I couldn't help how it made me feel. My grief was so new, the wound so raw. I, of course, know now that they we're all just trying to help in their own way and unless you've suffered, endured, survived the loss of a child, there is no way to understand or comprehend.

I have figured something out though, I never knew I could ever be this strong or resilent. I still have my melt down days, where all I want is to be with Corrina again, but I will say, they aren't as often as they used to be. My faith, hope, and love get me through. I owe that, and so much more, to my RinaBean. From the moment they placed that little peanut in my arms she made me a better person, more loving, giving, patient, kind, gentle, compassionate and MOST IMPORTANTLY, she made me her mom...the greatest honor and pleasure of my life. I love you my angel!!!

Ok, so now on to my knitting. I'm finishing a hooded baby blanket/towel for a co-workers baby shower. I also made her two itty bitty washclothes, and a pair of itty bitty baby socks. I've been working pretty exclusively on those items, so not much other knitting going on. I can't wait to get back to my Cardigan KAL and also cast on my Mr Foster sock monkey from Knit Picks. I think I'm going to rip out the one tank top I started as I'm just not happy with they way it's turning out.

Well I guess that's it...don't post for weeks and then I can't stop talking!

Ciao

Ready, Set, Go!

2009-05-21T15:05:00.002-05:00

Ok, so it's Thursday and I'm SO READY for the long weekend. We're not going anywhere, just staying home...just the way I like it. Although in July we're going to go away for a week to New Mexico and I AM looking forward to that vacation.

I expect(hope)to knit most of the weekend, some on my cardigan KAL, and some on a pair of socks, and some on the Swallowtail Shawl. We'll see how that all goes. I'm almost finished with the sleeves for the cardigan. It's looking like it'll be a really great sweater.

I also need to start transfering all of our videos to DVD's. I just get so emotional whenever I try to start that project, but I haven't tried in quite some time so maybe it's time to try again. We'll see. I love seeing Corrina's face and hearing her voice, but I start to cry and can't stop. I love and miss you so much, RinaBean!

Anyway, those are my Memorial Day plans. It will be nice to have the extra day off.

Ciao

Bum Around

2009-05-04T12:39:00.002-05:00

That's exactly what I did this whole weekend. I relaxed, knitted, computed...and it was nice and quiet. Scott, the kittie's, and I really enjoyed it. I worked on my KAL cardigan, and swatched and cast on for a the "Swallowtail Lace Shawl". I also lined and finished the knitting bag for my sister. I need to get it into the mail by Thursday or Friday.

Time goes by quickly, doesn't it? My sister will be 58 on the 13th. My other sister will be 70, and I'll be 48...unbelievable. My RinaBean would have been 22 this year...I miss her soooooo much. Life goes on...whether we're ready for it or not.

Well back to work.

Ciao

Going CRAZY!!!

2009-04-29T10:48:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I here I sit at work, and all I want to do is knit. I wish I could figure out a way to work and knit at the same time...wouldn't that be awesome??

When I get home this evening it's the first thing I'm going to do...pick up one of my "way too many" on the needle projects, and START KNITTING!!

Ciao

Woo Hoo!

2009-04-23T10:05:00.002-05:00

It's almost FRIDAY! I have always looked forward to the weekend's. Before losing Rina it was so we could do family stuff, or just be together. I guess now it's sort of the same...being able to spend quiet time with Scott and just relaxing...oh, and of course, knitting.

I'm itching to start my new sweater, but my swatch isn't coming out right. I'm going to try it one more time on different size needles.

I finished a few more Preemie caps and mitt's for charity in honor of Corrina. That makes a total of 10 caps and mitt sets. I know that somewhere Rina's smiling. She did that a lot...smiling. I miss her big smile, her giggle, her voice. I JUST MISS HER! I love you Rina Jempell!

Well soon I'll be home knitting and sitting by Scott....Ahhhhhh!

Ciao

Missing In Action

2009-04-21T15:15:00.002-05:00

Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it? I guess a knitting update would be appropriate now. I've finished a few more baby items for the Charity KAL. I need to take some pictures and get them posted on here and on Ravelry. I'm almost finished with the knitting bag for my sister. I have finished the needle case, and a pair of plain vanilla socks. And I'm 1/2 done on my tank-top.

I have recently cast-on for a new KAL on Knit Picks. It's a really pretty cardigan knitted up in lace weight double-stranded. It's a very classic look. I lied though. I haven't cast on...I'm actually swatching, not quite the same thing, is it?

I have a digital photo frame here on my desk at work, and I just happened to glance over and there was the picture of Dad, Mom, Jeff and my sweet Corrina, when she was 2. I realized that everyone in that picture is in Heaven. How did that happen? Mom and Dad, well they were older and that makes some sense. But my brother, Jeff, only 46. And RinaBean, my life, at only 18. All I can do is wonder why, and love and miss them all, with each and every beat of my heart. Especially my Corrina.

Almost time to KNIT...I can't wait.

Ciao

Knitting Weekend

2009-03-23T13:47:00.003-05:00

Ok, so here's the scoop. I should have been knitting on one of the 4 or 5 projects that I already have on my needles...but no, not me. I had to cast on something new. I joined a Block Of The Month KAL where you make a 12x12 square each month to be finished as a throw/afghan. Since I'm behind, I casted on and finished January's block, and then casted on and finished February's too. Tonight I'll be casting on for March. It's been fun and a nice little respite from what I was knitting. Sometimes I think we need to do that, don't you.

I'm also knitting some baby items for a charity kal, and I will donate these items in honor of CorrinaBean. I love to do things in her honor and in memory of her. I try to keep her memory alive in everything that I do.

I love you my Angel Pie!

Ciao

1278 Days

2009-03-17T12:41:00.002-05:00

That's how long it's been since I last saw Corrina's beautiful face, or held her soft hand, or kissed her sweet cheek.

I came across a poem Barbara Bush wrote (she lost a daughter also) and it just seems to say what I want to say......

So, I am glad not that my loved one has gone,
But that the earth she laughed and lived on was my earth, too,
That I had known and loved her,
And that my love I’d shown.
Tears over her departure?
Nay, a smile
That I had walked with her a little while.

First lady , Barbara Bush

As for knitting projects, I'm almost finished with the needle case. I'm still plugging along on the Berroco Metallic socks, and the tank top, but I also started, and am almost finished with, a knitting bag for my sister's birthday present. So all is going well on that front.

Ciao

Monday, Monday

2009-03-09T11:05:00.002-05:00

I've been missing for a little while, but have gotten lots accomplished. I truly did finish the Hemlock Ring Throw, and Scott loves it. It knit up so easy and it turned out gorgeous after blocking. I think I'll be making another one of those soon.

I also finished the Tofuties Tee ( I didn't use Tofuties though, I used Knit Picks Essential). It's blocking as I speak and will just need to be seamed up.

I have three projects on my needles right now also...a pair of socks using Berroco Sox Metallic, a circular needle case using 100% cotton, and a v-neck tank using Lion Brand Homespun.

I'm keeping busy, and loving the time I make to knit. I can lose myself or spend time remembering my beautiful Corrina. I just wish I could knit her something.

I love you my angel!

Ciao

Finished!!

2009-02-16T17:17:00.002-06:00

Well I say finished, but in reality I'm still working on the knitted bind-off for my Hemlock Ring Throw...but it's ALMOST finished. What a fun and beautiful pattern. I so much love knitting. It keeps me SANE, and it can even make me smile during even my saddest moments. I know deep in my heart that Corrina's proud and happy that I found my grief outlet.

I love you RinaBeana!!!

I'll be posting a picture of the throw as soon as it's blocked.

Ciao

Peaceful Sunday

2009-02-08T13:14:00.002-06:00

Ah Sunday's...I find that they can be so quiet and peaceful. I knitted almost all day yesterday and I'm getting ready to start again today, but I decided to make homemade bagels today. They're baking right now...YUM!!

I'm just about half way on my Hemlock Ring Throw, it's a very easy and fun pattern, and I caan't wait to finish it. I'm going to make a baby blue one to put in Corrina's room...she loved baby blue, and I, of course, LOVED HER WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!

Anyway, I need to check on the bagels, and get to knitting!

Ciao

Too Long Tuesday

2009-02-03T17:13:00.002-06:00

Ok, today seems to be dragging on by. I think it may be because I'd really rather be knitting. I finished the socks I was working on and started a new project last night. I'm knitting the Hemlock Ring Throw. I only just started but the pattern is pretty easy so far, and I think this will make a gorgeous throw for my sweet man, Scott.

A few months before Corrina passed away she started to crochet a purse. I had taught her to crochet when she was little, so she sort of knew what she was doing. Well, we laughed one night because she brought it out of her room to show me and to ask me what she was doing wrong...the poor purse didn't look anything like it should have. I'll never forget how long we laughed. Oh my sweet baby girl, I will NEVER forget the laughter!!! I promise!!!

Can't wait to get home and knit.

Ciao

Long Time No Posts

2009-01-30T20:05:00.002-06:00

Today I realized that I haven't taken any time to post to this blog. It's been months, and now it's a new year. I'll try to be better. I owe it to myself and to my Corrina. This was to really be for her, in honor of her, with maybe a story or two. I miss her so much. I miss the laughter, the noise, the giggles, and that smile. She lit up rooms with that amazing smile. I love you Rina.

Now, for my knitting projects...I've completed 3 more pair of socks. A sweater for myself. A few Preemie caps for donation to a NICU, and I'm now working on more socks. I'll post some pictures later on.

Ciao

Monday Meetings

2008-09-08T16:22:00.002-05:00

Monday's on their own can be a BIG pain in the ass...but when you throw in meetings, and new idea's, it's just plain...UGH!

Sorry I've been MIA, but we've been away for two weeks and incognito for the rest of the time. This is September and I have nothing good to say about this month anymore. I'll just leave it at that.

I started new socks righ after I'd finished the last pair, and now these are almost finished. I haven't been knitting everyday like I'd like to, but I am moving along on them ok. I am using Sockotta yarn (Sunny Side Up colorway) and the "Jaywalker" pattern, but I'm doing mine toe-up.

I'll try to add some new picture's of Scott's finished sock's as well as the Jaywalkers in the next few days...don't aanyone hold your breath though.

I miss you Rina, and I love you, FOREVER and ALWAYS!!!

Talk at you soon

Michelle

Hooray For Friday

2008-08-01T16:26:00.002-05:00

It's finally Friday. This week sure seemed long. I finished Scott's socks last night. It was too late to cast on another pair, so I'll do that tonight. I haven't even decided which pattern or what yarn yet. So many choices...so little time.

I find that as September approaches my daily tears for my girl, come quicker and last longer. I can't believe that it's been almost three years since I lost my precious daughter.

I love you CorrinaBean...always and forever!

Ta ta for now.

Thank God It's Thursday

2008-07-24T19:26:00.002-05:00

I know I should be more excited about Friday, but it is the day before Friday, and I think Thursday's are ok too. I miss Corrina so much. Even though it's been almost three years, the missing her, the longing to see her gorgeous face, or to hold her precious hand never diminishes. It's always with me, but so are all of the amazing memories of a mother and a daughter, all 18 years, 8 months, and 14 days of them.

I MISS YOU RINABEAN...with every fiber of my being and with every beat of my heart! You were the best daughter in the whole world, my best friend and the absolute love of my life.

Scott's socks are almost finished...YAY!!! As soon as they are I'm going to start the new socks that I got from my "sock of the month club". It's gorgeous yarn and a really pretty pattern. Maybe I'll keep these next one's for myself...we'll see.

Till next time...

Knitting Fool

2008-07-16T09:41:00.002-05:00

I've been knitting fast and furious on Scott's socks. I've knitted both heel flaps, and turned both heels. Now I'm working on the cuffs. I love knitting 2 toe-up socks with one circular needle...it's the greatest method by far...in my opinion, anyway.

We are going to Dallas to see John Edward (psychic medium). I'm very excited. I love watching him on TV, and I've seen him once before in person. I know that my expectations may be a little high, and Corrina may not come through to him, but a broken hearted mom can sure hope, can't she.

Anyway, back to work!

See you next time.

Good News!

2008-07-11T15:54:00.002-05:00

I've been on insulin for 1 1/2 weeks now, and wow, great results so far. I'm tickled pink. My 14 day average has gone from 199 to 156...YAY!!!

When I was first diagnosed with diabetes, Corrina made me promise to take better care of myself, and promise not to leave her. That was 6 months before her car accident. I should have made her promise not to leave me.

On the sock knitting front, I have only about a half inch to go before I can start on the heel, so that's good news. I'm looking forward to knitting all weekend.

Talk to you later.

A Few Days Late

2008-07-09T20:43:00.002-05:00

I've missed a few days of blogging. I know that no one reads this, but for some reason it comforts me to write it. I keep wishing for dreams of Corrina, and yet all my dreams contain, it seems, everyone but her. Why is that? Why can't I see her in my dreams.

I'm still knitting on Scott's socks, and I guess I'm about half of the way finished. I hope he loves them as much as I love making them for him. He is my life and my love. I hope he knows, as I'm not sure I tell him enough. I love the way he loves me, and I love the way he loved/loves Rina.

I'll try to be better at posting something everyday!

Changes

2008-07-01T21:09:00.002-05:00

Today I started on insulin for my diabetes. The other med's I was on for it just weren't cutting it. So far, so good though. I had a little crying jag today at work, in my usual private crying area, the bathroom. I cried a little and talked to my angel, Corrina. I think most people would think I'm crazy, but I had the amazing privilege and pleasure of talking to that precious child for 18 years, 8 months, and 14 days, and I REFUSE to stop now. Because we knew each other so well, I can also imagine her talking to me too, and I know exactly what she'd be saying.

Well, I'm ready to relax and do some knitting. I love my knitting. It's my safe, comfortable, mind occupying haven.

See you tomorrow.

Manic Monday

2008-06-30T20:04:00.002-05:00

Monday's have always been the hardest day of the week, and I suppose it's like that for most of us.
We go from the fun and comfort of the weekend, right into the beginning of another long work week. Although, today wasn't too bad, we left work early as I had an appointment. I made a quick dinner and now I'm going to pull out my knitting (Scott's socks) and relax.

I love you Rina, forever and always!

See you tomorrow.

Slow Sunday

2008-06-29T20:12:00.002-05:00

Today went by nice and slow. I've gotten to knit on and off all day, and I had plenty of time to cook breakfast & dinner, and even bake a "Ugly Duckling Cake". Scott did his usual laundry thing, and all in all, it was a pleasant day.

Corrina would have called it a "lazy day". I miss you Angelpie!

See you tomorrow.

Another Saturday

2008-06-28T18:28:00.002-05:00

I stayed up really late last night getting started on Scott's socks. I'm doing a toe-up pattern, and I guess I was having a late night brain fog, as I had to unravel and start over 3 times, yup, 3 times.
Needless to say, I took a little 2 hour nap this afternoon. We did our "Walmart" thing this morning, picked up some lunch, and now we're settling in to watch a movie, and I'll pick up my knitting.

I wish Corrina was here to watch the movie with us.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Corrina

2008-06-27T20:45:00.002-05:00

My daughter Corrina was, and always will be, the the absolute love of my life. I miss her every single minute, of every single day. Rina was not only my daughter, she was also my very best friend. I don't think I ever told her that. I think she knew...I hope she knew.

Well, today is Friday, and I'm glad the weekend is here. My husband Scott and I plan to not do much of anything. Yesterday I finished knitting a pair of pink socks for my sister, and tonight I plan to start a pair of socks for Scott. I guess I should get started on that.

This is my first blog, and I just started it tonight, so be patient with me as I go.

See you tomorrow.